Motherhood is one of the most celebrated events in a woman’s life. While it is happening later for many women, some are never able to become pregnant or carry a pregnancy to term. Among these women, very few can remain patient and maintain their spirits in the face of accusing looks. Some devoutly cling to the divine and dedicate themselves to prayer, while others, broken and without moral support, sink into depression.
According to the World Health Organization (WHO), infertility is the inability to achieve a pregnancy after 12 months or more of regular, unprotected sexual intercourse. The WHO states that one in six people worldwide is affected by infertility. In Africa, this affects 16.4% of sub-Saharan couples.
It can cause significant distress, stigma, and financial difficulties, impacting the mental and psychosocial well-being of those affected. Many families have broken up due to the lack of a baby, and the much-needed understanding in couples facing these difficulties is not always present. In these situations, the person singled out is almost always the woman.
Accusations, Humiliation, and Discouragement
Joséphine, a business manager, explains what she went through. « At first, we consoled each other, saying the next test would be positive. Disappointment gradually took over, and within three years, I progressively lost my husband’s support and solidarity… Not having given a child to the eldest in the family was frowned upon. When my mother-in-law came to live with us, getting pregnant became an obsession for me, » recounts the 34-year-old.
« Sometimes, hearing my other sisters-in-law laugh made me feel like they were mocking me. Of course, they would call their children all day long, just to make me uncomfortable, » she adds.
Infertility is perceived in Africa, and especially in Togo, as a curse and is often blamed on the woman. Many couples have separated or live together against their will due to the absence of a child after one year of marriage. Some men will get another woman pregnant, especially if the in-laws get involved.
« I was married for four years before I had my first child. I endured all sorts of contempt; I had to avoid some of my cousins and friends. While my father-in-law advised me to be patient, his wife would regularly touch my stomach and tell me I surely had fibroids. My husband would curse every time he came back from a baptism. Being in the healthcare field, it wasn’t hard for me to get treated, but no treatment worked! At one point, I decided to give up everything and ignore anything that wasn’t beneficial to me. I found myself pregnant a few months later, » rejoices Adjo, a nursing assistant.
While the inability to become pregnant is a source of pain for many women who spend their time praying, it’s also true that their social circle is not supportive. This leads some of them to hesitate leaving their homes, for fear of being looked at strangely by their peers. Yet, human rights legislation aims to prevent affronts to human dignity by removing barriers and ensuring that all members of society have the same opportunity to live free from discrimination.
« Yes, it’s unfortunately the sad reality! » laments Ms. Sandrine Issifou, president of the NGO BAARI, an association that works for the mental and social well-being of people dealing with infertility or sterility.
« This issue is a heavy burden that the majority of people, in Africa and elsewhere, agree to place on women, who are then considered the sole responsible for the inability to continue the lineage, » she emphasized.
The issue of infertility discrimination is a human rights issue that should be the subject of debates, forums, and conferences in all nations, because many women suffer moral abuse and have their dignity trampled upon. This contemptuous attitude constantly devalues women, creating in them a feeling of being useless. States must increase the protection of women suffering from discrimination due to infertility.
We Must Break the Ice and Protect Women
« Many of us face the painful issue of infertility and sterility. While it’s true that this scourge spares no one worldwide, in Africa, the discomfort of this situation is more pronounced and sensitive. Let’s break the myth, loosen our tongues, and tear down social barriers! May your looks and your words no longer prevent us from living… » declared Ms. Issifou.
The issue remains a serious concern when you see these radiant and cheerful women lose their smiles after a few years in a marriage where love has lost its flavor.
« A sour love, a bitter love, a pronounced bitterness. Since 2011 until today, I have been searching for the fruit of my womb. I already had an ectopic pregnancy, and it cost me a fallopian tube. At 40 today, I am still looking for solutions, for my own morale and also to free myself from the accusing stares. It’s sometimes unbearable: too much humiliation, people should just leave us in peace, » complained Ayawa in the local language.
« We give them a lot of courage and hope based on the Holy Scriptures… Some come back to us with a smile. These cases are common in churches. Women come to complain about family discrimination following infertility. They come to seek prayers because they are psychologically broken. The environmental factor is a big handicap, and the authorities must address it, » a religious person confided to us.
Jacques (whose couple also went through this difficulty) advises patience and following a medical treatment: « Haste sometimes leads women not to follow their treatment correctly. And they change doctors very quickly. Furthermore, I believe we must prioritize the couple and strengthen their bond. Consulting a psychologist is an option not to be neglected, as the issue is stressful, and even stress can be an obstacle to conception… »
For Dr. Toovin (a doctor specializing in sexual and reproductive health), the psychological aspect should not be overlooked. « Know when to worry, when to consult, and who to consult: the couple can see a doctor after six months of unsuccessful attempts. Get regularly tested for sexually transmitted infections, » advised Dr. Toovin, who also stressed the importance of avoiding tobacco, alcohol, and drugs. Eating less fat and exercising regularly are also beneficial.
Listening, Advice, and Guidance
According to the president of the NGO BAARI, women are the ones who bear the weight of accusing eyes and marginalization, which is a barrier to their well-being.
« Our activities are essentially aimed at strengthening the mental health of women, men, and couples in situations of infertility and providing them with moral, material, medical, and financial support. We have a listening cell that can come to you. You just need to call the association, and our team will travel to you to listen to you with respect for your dignity and in complete confidentiality, » she explained.
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